1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differencesÃ¢â‚¬Â¦..She thought she was God and I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t.
2.. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not a complete idiot Ã¢â‚¬â€œSome parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being Ã¢â‚¬Å“over the hillÃ¢â‚¬Â is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A dayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know what the heck is going on.
Excerpts from Pradeeps Blog..