Call Center Jokes

TAKE A LOOK:
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’."
************ ********* ****
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
************ ********* ****
Customer: "I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you’ve done."
Customer: "I typed ‘A: SETUP’."
Tech Support: "Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No…"
************ ********* ****
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
************ ********* ****
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech Support: ??????
************ ********* ****
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
Tech Support: ?????
************ ********* ****
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Tech Support: ??????
************ ********* ****
Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support: ??????
************ ********* ****
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech Support: ??????
************ ********* ****
Customer: "You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won’t boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside."
Tech Support: ?????
************ ********* ****
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open
24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
************ ********* ****
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it’s ready?"
Tech Support: ??????
************ ********* ****
The best of the lot
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE . COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech Support: How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.